Grey Dawn
by near-goron
Summary: 'Seto, when you first kissed me back - there was this tender, unbelievably soft look in your eyes, lighting them with gentleness and care.' Crow's POV; Crow admires Seto for his human mind, still knowing that it's something he can't have. Hinted SetoxCrow


**A/N: **Oneshot, from Crow's POV; I wanted to write something beautiful about Seto from Crow, to show the way he cares about Seto - but I still wanted Crow to be not-human, so I tried this.

If you want to, tell me what you think about it and how I can improve!

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- Grey Dawn -

Humans were never supposed to be bound to machines.

Because the lifeless and the living can't be mixed, can't be turned into one.

.  
.

This is the night that I'll leave you, Seto. This is our last night, the last night we share under the cool, never-fading light of the stars above, the last night with company for both of us.

The wind moves through my hair, weaving through it without making a sound.

The smell of grass and steel is mixed, carried over by the air, both cold and sweet, somehow.

I look down at your body, your frail, fragile outlines. Your soft body, so sensitive, so gentle. Your hair is disheveled in your sleep, and the lines of your face distorted, drawn together as if you're under tension even in your sleep.

When I stretch out my hand, reach for you and touch your sleep-warm cheek I hear you sigh in your dream. Almost inaudible, as faintly as it was. I let my fingertip run over your soft, warm skin, my own cool and sleek upon yours.

Tonight I'll be leaving. I knew I had to from the moment I saw that glow in your eyes when you looked at me, when I heard you sigh and moan at my touch in your skin.

I knew it from the way you brushed your fingertips over my skin, thirsty and longing; when I felt your lips on my skin, not only careful any more, but full of determination and need.  
Your hands, searching my body, blindly, for contact, love.

Something that I couldn't possibly give you.

You wanted so much from me. In the beginning I didn't realize what could happen if I stayed with you. Gave you the impression of care and warmth.  
When I made you feel safe, loved, it was never what it seemed to be for you.

Because for me, all of this wasn't real.  
At least not real in the way it must've been for you; because I'm not real, I'm not human.

I can think, I can act and have restrictions in which I'm able to have my own free will.

But all of this is part of the program that keeps me running, nothing more.

Nothing of this is related to the thing that is called 'emotion'.

There's not a single exiguous drop of life in me.

I've found your letter when it was already too late and my decision stood already:

_._

_Dear Crow,_

_I don't know how to say this to you in real, so I just tried to write it down._

_Well, the day we met, when I first saw you I felt so incredibly relieved._

_You were the only person to hold onto, my last hope here. I felt so lost, and so lonely; so, when I found you, I felt saved, secure._

_You always knew how to cheer me up and how to give me hope; at first you were my friend, the only one in whom I could believe out here._

_But then you really became more than that for me. You made me fall in love with you; after the first kiss it was nothing more than a weak feeling, but it got stronger until I noticed it._

_Now I know that I love you, Crow. I love you with every single heartbeat, and love everything about you. You're my savior, the one who rescued__ me and caught me._

_I don't even mind anymore that there's no one else around. Because you replace them all, you filled the void I felt inside of me with what you are._

_I always thought that I needed all these humans around me to be able to live; but I found out that it was enough to have only you because you're able to do everything that they could give me – and even more. You would cheer me up when I was down, you could give me hope when I felt desperate._

_You could make me feel passion, longing even though there was nothing else left around us._

_You not only filled the void inside of me, but you already gave me a new, burning feeling, a feeling of longing for you._

_I love you, Crow.  
I never want to be without you anymore, and I think I couldn't ever be without you anymore._

.  
.

Before I read it, I never knew how to handle you. I never knew what you really felt, even though it seemed to be so obvious that there was love.

It was obvious from the way you looked up at me, admired me with that gleam in your eyes.

The way you touched me and kissed me; I already thought that there must've been love.

But I'm not human.

Of course I can't feel anything like love.

And I could never give it back to you. You'd love me more and more, put more and more of yourself into me, without getting anything in return.

You'd just be eaten up by your own love, suffocated, drowned by yourself.

Because I could never really catch you.

So I have to leave you.

I have to die for you, erase myself so that you can be saved.

A human shouldn't be bound to something lifeless, a machine. Because you'll rely on it, expect something from it that it can never give you – you expect it to be human, to answer you with the same emotions, the same longing sensations you feel, the same need of care and closeness.

But this isn't part of my program. I've never been told to react this way, so I simply… _can't_ do it.

I've been programmed to be a pragmatistp, to find the best solution for whomever will be around me.  
To seek for the most convenient solution.

And the current problem I have to solve is you. Because you're in danger of losing yourself, of relying fully on me and nothing else.

And at some point, you'll have lost yourself, won't be able to live without me, unable to even do a single breath without me being there.

You will focus on nothing else but me – because there actually is nothing else out there beside me and you.

And a human himself had never been enough for himself.

I kneel down in front of your sleeping face and see how your lips are twisted in distress.

Your eyelids pressed together, shut tightly, locking their twisted rushes and floods of human emotions behind them.

When I bent down to kiss your lips a last time I don't think of saying goodbye because I'll miss you.  
I'm doing it because I know that you're not a deep sleeper and that you'll remember the kiss through your dream and that you'll recall it afterwards.

I hear you sigh once again, your lips twisting under mine slightly and I move away from you.

Then I stand up to go away and let myself die. I won't really kill myself, I'll just let the battery run empty without reloading it. I'll just let myself stop working.

I'll let myself die for you.

Because I'll never be able to love you the way you do, Seto, and I care too much about you to ruin you.

When the end finally draws near and the remaining energy leaks out of my body there's a picture of you flashing up in my mind.

It's you, Seto, when you first kissed me back. There was this tender, unbelievably soft look in your eyes, lighting them with gentleness and care.

The expression gave away so much information, so much I could read out of one single look, in the split of a second.

So much more than a human could've ever noticed with his blurry gaze, dusted by the many emotions.

There are the words of Shin that suddenly ring through my head.

Memories that had been long ago.

"You know why I created you. Because no human being, no single, pitiful soul of them in the whole world will ever be able to do what you can do.  
Not a single person of them will ever be able to be like you.

All they can do, all they can see is blurred, hazy because there are emotions that are always present. They jump from one thing to another, giving up their believes so easily just to please someone, or act against their own will to hurt someone.

They are so imperfect,disabled to do even what they want to do.

And that's why a machine will always be superior to them.  
Because you'll act for the best without having to be bound to any emotion; they're able to look through a human being, understanding why he's acting the way he does without being blinded or restricted by false morals and affection."

The whole information he gave me were running through my head, my brain chosing random pieces of information out of a pool.

Yes, I've always been superior to you, Seto.

You've got that sweet, soft manner of you.  
You're like velvet, warm, soft.  
Soothing.  
But so easy to break, to tear apart. So easily hurt.

You're the most fragile thing here. Maybe that's why you were left on the earth, as the last human being.

Because you're the closest to what is the core of 'human'; you're the furthest away from what I am, a machine.

You're soft. You're gentle and scared, living in panic and vain all the time, but so innocent and naïve at the same time. Always hoping, wishing for the best in all the things. Always hoping for things to turn out as _you'd_ like them to have, the easiest way.

You're selfish in the most human way, interested in nothing else but your own comfort.

But, Seto, what you're wishing for, your own comfort – it's the most beautiful thing that could be left in a world full of ruins.


End file.
